Connect with friends. I remember feeling disconnected as I was putting this resolution down toward the end of 2019. It had been a year I was burned out and was constantly drowning in swirls of inadequacy and incompetency — no matter how hard I tried.
This critical bug could have been prevented had I planned the feature better, talked to more stakeholders, and had all scenarios and risks assessed!
My colleagues and the product deserve a much better product manager who knows her stuff and leads with certainty; I have no idea what I am doing!
To reconnect with friends, I thought, would be the way to stay sane and reconnect with myself in 2020. Little did I know, it would soon become what everyone needed in the upheaval of many “new normals”, as the world as we know it was upended and life circumstances changed for many. Connecting with friends isn’t just a checklist goal but a necessity.
Looking back at 2020, in the spirit of change and reflection, I realize — despite all the uncertainties at the macro-level — it’s one of my best years, in terms of personal growth, self-assurance and finding meaning.
It’s probably the result of having relieved the obligation to react to external stimuli, now that they are predictable and somewhat controllable within my screens, that I get to spend more time “looking in” — to engage instead with myself — to recall the past, imagine the future, sort out buried feelings, and weave meanings.
Here are some of my takeaways from 2020.
1. It’s nice to receive (and be the one who gives)
Being one who would always place “receiving gifts” as the last language among the 5 love languages, I have come to appreciate these small gestures — how, receiving a cup of coffee sent by a friend on a random weekday morning, could be so uplifting and help power through my whole day, well, maybe the week, literally and figuratively.
The quarantined life changes how I express my love with friends and family. I find myself paying more attention to how they feel, their underlying desires, and thinking more on how I can get them going through small acts of kindness if they ever feel stuck in the rut. Sending sanitizing kit, cakes, wine, books, and even a light-hearted meme — knowing that it may be a break that someone desperately needed on the other end, have all proven to be quite therapeutic as a giver and to the recipient.
Gift-giving, will continue to be my thing in 2021.
2. Be authentic
For too many days I was playing the “highly organized, smart, put-together product manager” role and part of me was missing. I call her the Real See, in her Converse high-top, a large backpack and a camera in hand. I imagine her standing at the roadside of some mountainous outskirt in Romania, with an unorganized itinerary and little idea if she could hitch a ride to the town, happily dancing to BTS’s playlist.
Working remotely in 2020 has called for authenticity. Albeit the physical distance, it’s uncannily personal to get a peek into your coworkers’ living room, bedroom, kitchen, with singing kids in the background or embarrassing partner walking into the screen, and the list goes on. It is a truly human experience — to know that they are not just who they are at work, but a father who worries about their kids education, a daughter who fears safety for her senior parents at home, a brother or sister, and ultimately a human with domestic affairs and emotions universal to us.
By sharing openly about my intentions, thoughts, and fears, I was able to get down to root cause more effectively, as colleagues start opening up to share. By expressing my whole self genuinely, colleagues turn to me with ideas and suggestions. Of course, by “coming out” as a BTS fangirl, I was able to connect deeper with colleagues who stan for K-Pop idols.
Being authentic is contagious. When we embrace our true self, we give others the permission and safe space to do the same. Say what you really mean, do what you say, and spread it.
3. Process is liberating
Switching overnight to remote arrangement wasn’t hard as I have been running Scrum rituals for the past 3 years. It is however, the first time in my entire career life to have so much appreciation in a (good) process — I have come out of 2020 as a huge fan of Scrum.
Scrum rituals allow all team members to have visibility into top business problems, to self-organize while working on a problem — regardless of geographical location, and reflect on the wins and losses to continuously improve as a team. The overarching mindset for the process is about responding to change in uncertain environment, and focuses on:
- Value: What are we trying to achieve, and why?
- Iteration: What works, what doesn’t, and how can we do better?
- Transparency: Who is doing what and how would the tasks come together to achieve the goal; with transparency comes accountability.
I have seen first hand communication crumbles in teams where no proper process is set up for remote arrangement, well, for success. It is liberating to be able to lean on a process, when stakes are high, problems complex, and uncertainty is the norm.
4. Change is inevitable
Change is a big theme in my professional life, having switched career path 3 years ago to pursue product development from recruitment. I wasn’t fulfilled, I wanted to do more — I wanted to utilize my creativity and expand my skill set beyond what I was doing. I sought out for change on a path full of rejections, took a pay-cut, started from scratch and banged many, many walls.
It humbles me, changes how I view will. When there’s a will, there’s a way. Corny but so apt, especially in 2020. In retrospect, thanks to my prior experience, I am a better product manager having understood people’s actions are often governed by motivations and emotions — I am able to conduct good user interviews and research that really get down to why people do certain things, and instinctively come out with hypotheses for validation.
Read: Range: How Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World
I learned that there’s no right or wrong in the career decisions I make. There might be job(s) I hated to the gut, but there is always a lesson to learn from: What sort of environment am I the most productive? What kind of role excites me the most? What sort of manager do I want to be from my own experience?
On the path of discovery, there were (and still are!) individuals who look at my unconventional trajectory with scepticism, and I find myself having to justify hard. It’s not necessary a bad thing since I will put in 200% in what I do in order to gain trust and respect. The worst of all, though, is combating imposter syndrome — justifying to myself that I am indeed good enough.
5. Life is short, so…
…if you are not fulfilled in a job, change.
…if you are not happy in a relationship, change.
…if you find yourself stuck in the rut, change.
Of course, change within your means — know your risk profile, priorities, strong whys, and make informed move. We don’t get to control all the things that happen around us, what someone says or does to us, nor to determine all the outcomes in life. But we can always choose how we respond. Here’s some really powerful words from Dr. Edith Eger, a survivor of the Holocaust, in her book The Choice:
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. Each moment is a choice. No matter how frustrating or boring or constraining or painful or oppressive our experience, we can always choose how we respond. And I finally begin to understand that I, too, have a choice. This realization will change my life.
Now, cheers to surviving 2020. Bring on 2021! 🎉
